My kids are amazing and always have been. However, anyone that has taken a trip with kids knows it takes a little bit more effort to keep them entertained, fed, and not at each other’s throats. As they get older, it’s easier but early on it is more about making memories and less about “leisure and relaxation”. I refer to these as “trips”. Making memories with kids is a part of parenting but is less than relaxing.
In the 12 years I was married to my previous roommate, we took one vacation without a pregnancy or kids involved. I would imagine most people would recognize this isn’t healthy for a relationship. The roomie always made a big deal about not spending nights away from the kids. Her parents weren’t capable of handling all three kids and often if her parents couldn’t do something, it meant she didn’t want my parents to do it. As a result, we never really got away.
In 2018, we moved to Georgia for a new job that was a very good stepping stone in my career. Although the new job was a good career move, it involved long hours and availability 24/7. Shortly after moving here, we also needed to move the ex’s parents up to be closer. Her mother had dementia and her father was not capable of taking care of both of them. She put a lot of effort into that relocation and I was busting my butt with the new job so we were in need of a vacation.
It took some convincing but in September of 2018, my parents flew in to watch the kids for us so we could go on a trip. My kids were 5, 7, and 9 at that point and a bit easier to take care of than a few years prior. I had arranged for us to go to the Ritz Carlton on Amelia Island and use my hotel points and we were going to stop in Savannah on the way. Everything was lining up nicely for some relaxation.
On the day of departure, I ended up getting off work early so we could get going on the trip. Unbeknownst to me, the ex had planned on going to drop something off at her parents (they lived an hour away) before we left so me coming home early messed those plans up. We proceeded to have a big fight over a small matter. We cooled down and I told her to go ahead and go to her parents and we could leave afterwards. She agreed to it and then proceeded to walk away saying we should cancel the trip. Huh?
In all our years of marriage, we had only had a few big fights, usually pertaining to the three things I mentioned in a prior post (family, money, kids) and a few of those were because the shorter one of us was a lightweight when drinking. However, we had never had those types of fights in front of anyone else and this one was on full display in front of my parents. Eventually, she settled down and we proceeded to hit the road to Amelia Island. It started off a little tense but eased up as we drove.
While there, we were able to get out and do a few activities and relax. There was no real indication to me that anything was wrong but as noted prior, I wasn’t great at recognizing signs. We were still able to connect physically and seemed to enjoy the time together so what could be wrong?
After a few days, we headed back home somewhat relaxed and ready to get back into our daily routine. Little did I know, there were already underlying issues that she was dealing with that would surface in about 6 weeks.