Our counseling session that was set up for the week before Christmas was approaching and Hahna told me she wanted to go on her own. My buddy thought that might be a good thing so I supported it. Later, I’d find out that she skipped the appointment and didn’t go. Not so good after all.
About three days before Christmas, she told me she wanted to go to Virginia (where we had moved from in early 2018) to see old friends, clear her head and figure out an approach with me. I asked her if divorce was an option (about the 4th time I’d asked it) and she said it was not. It was odd. Things were horrible and yet I couldn’t see the writing on the wall.
My younger brother flew in (he’d spent most of his adult Christmases with us) somewhere in there and I thought it would be a good opportunity to go on a date with Hahna. We went out for dinner but it felt odd. She was talking about her gym friends and I felt like I had no idea what was going on with her life. She spent a good amount of time on the phone texting one of her gym friends who was in labor pains. Insight – I’d later find out from my brother that he and Hahna had some drinks after we got home. She was already inebriated from the date and during the conversation with my brother, she asked him if he would take our dog and watch him if needed. He didn’t think much of it at the time. Later, it would come back to bite him.
Hahna had bought tickets for the Christmas lights at Rock Ranch for one night and told me I should take the kids and my little brother to it. I told her she should go and tried to convince her but she claimed she was busy. We went and had fun but I was distracted by things going on and was curious what was going on at the house. I had a camera in my office and found myself looking at it to see if anything was going on at the house. She eventually went into my office and angrily flipped the camera around so I couldn’t see anything.
On our way back from the ranch we were practicing Christmas carols to sing to Hahna when we got home to hopefully put her in the Christmas spirit. The kids were jacked up and my oldest was a bit ornery as any kid could sometimes be. I reached back at one point to grab his leg and get his attention and tell him to tighten it up. His leg was closer than I thought and it appeared that I slapped his leg, which wasn’t my intent. He was extremely upset about it and lost complete control of his emotions for the rest of the ride home.
When we got to the house, the younger two were ready to sing but my oldest was still upset. As we got out of the van, he was angry and I wanted to calm him down so he didn’t ruin our surprise for his mom. I put my arms around him and tried to hug him and talk to him but he was having none of it. He was fighting me so hard that I was afraid if I let him go, he’d fall. I gently put him to the ground and then he took off…down the hill and fell. He still seems to think I pushed him down which I found out later was egged on by Hahna. The other two excitedly went to the door to sing but Hahna wasn’t in the mood.
Christmas Eve and Day came and were uneventful but not good as there was no Christmas spirit in the house. Christmas had always been a festive time for us and it’s a shame that our last Christmas together was as bad as it was. I didn’t think there were enough gifts on Christmas Eve and went out and bought more which turned out to be overkill. The kids seemed to enjoy it though especially with their uncle there.
I ended up sending an email to Hahna who still wasn’t communicating with me about the state of the finances. She had told me earlier in the month we needed to pay $1000 for a cabin her uncle was renting for her and the kids towards the end of the month. He was going to reimburse us according to her. That money never came back into our accounts. Not that he didn’t hold up to his end of the bargain but because the money went to her which was put aside somewhere I didn’t have access to.
I reminded Hahna that I had planned on taking time off with the kids and how she was now going on a trip with them during my time off. I told her I would leave her alone on the trip but would keep her posted on the finances. I noted that again, I was the one working to provide while she was off on another memory making trip with the kids. That was pretty much the story of our marriage. I worked so she could do all the fun activities with the kids which is something I’d never advise a couple to do. It creates a huge imbalance in the relationship when one person is trying to make things work financially while the other isn’t interested and living in a Monopoly world without the bankruptcy option.