Divorce papers? At work? I was in a state of shock but managed to get to my car and call my friend at work to let him know what happened. I was also able to call my boss who was very supportive at the time. As I drove away, I texted Hahna to see if we could talk and she said yes. I called her and pleaded with her not to do this. She let me know that when I had started the new job that past February and I was in Georgia while she was in Virginia, she realized she didn’t miss me. She told me she wanted primary joint custody and suggested I do not go for more. Other stuff was said but we agreed to discuss the divorce with the kids when she got back from Virginia.
I went home and called my father to let him know what was going on. I’m not ashamed to say that there were a ton of tears shed and a constant sick feeling. Sleep rarely came and I had no desire to eat. I had some good friends through work that offered support and tried to help me by bringing food. Those first few days were a complete fog.
Advice – I’m in an online support group with guys in various stages of divorce and I always encourage the guys in the beginning phase to get sleep. Tylenol PM, Melatonin, talk to their doctor, etc. A sleepless person is not thinking straight and they absolutely need to think straight to go through this process.
I was a bit freaked out by the divorce papers that said I had 30 days to respond to about 35 questions. I called multiple lawyers and most of them were out of the office for the next week and a half which meant I had a limited amount of time. I finally found one lawyer that had decent reviews that I thought would be good so I set up an appointment with him for later that week. Insight– The 35 questions are called “Interrogatories” and according to my first lawyer, there’s usually wiggle room in extending that 30 days as generally, the other side will grant you an extension.
A friend of mine had me over a few days later to watch some football. I had another call with Hahna while there that went well. She talked about wanting to co-parent, having me over for dinner with the kids. It was going to be a congenial post divorce world from the sound of that conversation. My naivety level was high.
The next day, I met with the lawyer. He thought that my story was very interesting and suspected something was going on that wasn’t on the up and up. He thought a PI might be a good idea so I researched around looking for one. He told me that the best I could do was to get 50/50 custody of the kids while that was the worst she could do. Insight – If you’re a dad and looking for a lawyer and you get one that says this to you, walk away. This indicates a lawyer that doesn’t want to fight for your rights as a father which is key in the divorce process as a father.
The next few days were a haze but somehow I got through them and moped through the day with very little sleep. Hahna was supposed to come back on New Year’s Day but ended up coming up with various reasons as to why she wasn’t coming back. She ended up taking the kids from Virginia directly to the cabin rental her Uncle was “paying” for. She had told me a few weeks prior that we needed to pay the $1,000 down on the cabin rental and her uncle would reimburse us. That never happened and was one of the many devious ways she used to siphon money from our accounts.
On January 2, 2019, I was watching UGA get their butts kicked by Texas in the bowl game. I decided I was going to file a long overdue moving damage claim on the Chromebook from our movers the prior year. As I opened it, I remembered that I’m the one who had set the login and password for it and that a few weeks prior, Hahna had tried using it with the cracked screen. I logged in and decided to go to Facebook and sure enough, Hahna was still logged into Facebook.
Although the prior six weeks had been miserable and I was still in shock from the sudden divorce, I wasn’t quite prepared for what I was seeing. On her Facebook Messenger were conversations with a guy that were quite personal and had started, on the app that is, a few days before I was served divorce papers. I called my buddy to tell him as I felt like my heart was about to explode in my chest. I spent the next hour or two scrolling through her messages she was sending to this guy and proceeded to take pictures of every single message for future reference. Tip – Although it is a painful process, capture as much documentation as you can.
It was clear something was going on with her and this guy and had been for a while. Despite all the misery of the prior six weeks, I never really thought she was cheating on me yet here in front of me were hundreds of messages that showed there was at best an emotional affair and at worst, a physical affair.