If you would have asked me a few years ago if I ever saw a website and a blog in my future I would have laughed at the absurdity. Back then, I was working in a high-pressure job and the blogger in the house was my babies’ mama. What would I blog about? Fashion trends for abnormally tall people? DIY (which may not have been a bad idea)? Or failed hair growth systems I’d tried? I had a good enough income to have a stay-at-home wife, three great kids, and a decent retirement plan. I was living a good life and recall on a few occasions thinking of how much God had blessed me.
Lo and behold if the good life I thought I was living unraveled rather quickly. When I say quickly, I mean from the time I knew there was a serious problem to the time I was served divorce papers was 6 weeks. Looking back, there were warning signs that more astute people would have noticed but not me. I was living la vida oblivious.
As things began to unravel, I began to write. I grabbed a pen and began journaling my emotions and what was going on in my life. For anyone that has ever seen my handwriting, It’s somewhere between a serial killer and a doctor. It was so bad that I made a NY resolution one year to write my signature neatly all year, but that only lasted about a week and a half before I developed writer’s fatigue three checks I had to fill out and sign. Needless to say, I hated writing but had to do something to get through that time period. Eventually, I figured I was a much better typer than writer and flipped over my journaling to Google docs and spreadsheets.
About 10 months after my divorce process began, I decided to take that journaling and start a blog. I’d never done it but found out that it wasn’t as cost-prohibitive as I’d thought it was (I’d funded my previous roommate’s blog for two years). I started the blog and began creating my posts with the goal to take some of my lessons learned and put them out there for others to read and possibly avoid some of my mistakes.
A few weeks after starting the blog, I randomly did a search for divorced men’s Facebook groups and found one that I quickly joined. I was very surprised at the support network of 10,000 men and regretted having not found that group sooner. There were some bitter guys for sure but a lot of folks truly wanted to help others through the pain of divorce. The blog took a backseat for a while as I felt it was a redundant resource to the Facebook group.
Although there are definite advantages of the Facebook groups and other support organizations, it became very repetitive and the advice that was posted often lacked perspective. It seemed that every day, someone would post the same question or look for the same support as the day before. There was no good way to search for answers to the questions that were repeatedly asked. I eventually had to stop following the group as every time I would chime in on someone’s question or rant, I felt it would bubble up some of my own negative feelings. I still occasionally hop on but a daily stream of negativity with a few positive moments sprinkled in is not good for the psyche.
One of the things I’ve gained an appreciation for over the last few years is perspective. If your goal is to get in good shape, you’re probably not going to ask Joey Chestnut, the hot dog eating champion, what his workout routine is. His is about stuffing as many hot dogs in his mouth as possible and not giving a flip what he looks like in the process. Perspective is thus important so as I plan on posting on array of things on here, I will also include my divorce story. There are certainly some WTF moments in the story that will help you see where I’m coming from when I write.
With that said, I’ve read enough posts and heard enough stories to say that even though we might not have the same divorce story, there’s a good chance there’s something on here that might be useful. I’ll have posts about what to consider at various stages of divorce, ways to save money, best/worst dating apps, music (it really can be therapeutic or depressing), and many other random thoughts about being a divorced dad. Welcome!